So, I’m on record as wanting to avoid political predictions through Tuesday. But Super Bowl predictions are another thing entirely. So here’s my theory, which is its own sort of prediction. The Patriots are better than every other team. There’s really no arguing the point. There’s nuance: the the-rest-of-the-league-is-catching-up school. That’s fine. But nuance isn’t a counterargument. And the Patriots are still better. By a lot. So much better than the rest that I don’t have any interest** in belaboring the point by doing some sort of position-by-positition analysis.

In fact (theory begins here), the Patriots are the ’85 Georgetown Hoyas basketball team. Which is to say, so much better than all the other teams that two things have to happen for the Patriots to lose: their opponent has to play a perfect game, and the Patriots have to be sub-par. The latter happened several times during the season, particularly as it wore on. But no team pulled off the former. The Colts, Ravens, and yes, the Giants came closest. But none played 60 minutes of flawless football.

So the question is: can the Giants play the part of Villanova today?*** Maybe. We’ll have to see (that’s for you, Urbino, you relentless critic). But I doubt it.

And anyway, what I really want to see is a Pterodon, during the first series of the game, swooping down from the skies to hoist Eli Manning off to its lair. I’d also like tsetse flies the size of eagles to carry Archie and Peyton away in their beaks (the flies’, not the Mannings’). I don’t actually want the Mannings killed. Or even wounded. I just want them to stop blighting the landscape of American sports and popular culture. Cooper’s fine with me. He’s had a hard life; I wish him well.

* My wife is from Massachusetts. So save your outrage for someone who cares.

** Or the relevant information, truth be told.

*** There’s no doubt in my mind that Tom Coughlin is even more annoying than Rollie Massimino. The mind boggles at such a thing. But there it is.