This article in Vanity Fair left me thinking that it’s only a matter of time before performance-enhancing drugs become the norm rather than the exception in the academy. I mean, what happens you realize that the assistant professor that your department just hired can concentrate for hours and hours without taking a break for weeks on end? What happens when you realize that s/he is far more productive than you are because of these extraordinary powers of concentration? And then, what happens when you learn that the secret to her or his success is a prescription for methylphenidate? What are you going to do about it*? As for me, I’ll probably go out for a bike ride and then take a nap. But that’s because I’m old and pretty much past my prime already. But if I could still be a contender — whatever being a contender means — I wonder if I’d think twice and call my doctor.
Here’s the thing: I’ve long known that there are people in the profession who are smarter than I am (some of these people have offices near mine). My response to such cruel realities has been, on the one hand, to acknowledge my limits and, on the other hand, to work my ass off to try to make up the stagger. Put another way, I’ve accepted that nature is fickle (Bill Cronon is a once-in-a-generation intellect; I’m not) and tried to overcome the vagaries of genetics with a response rooted in nurture (my willingness to work hard)**. That said, I think I’m going to find it pretty difficult to take when it turns out that people are outperforming me because they’re relying chemical enhancements*** to help them publish.
Now wait, before you give the obvious reply, yes, I know this already happens. Eric drinks coffee. I don’t. And that’s the only reason he’s written four books and I haven’t. Really, though, if there were a pill that would allow me to be significantly more productive, I worry that I’d think long and hard about taking it. Actually, I suspect that choice is already here. It’s just that I don’t have the right dealer.
* Whitey.
** The nature/nurture divide is far too simple here, I know. Some people are smarter and harder working than I am. Oh well.
*** Especially when it turns out that some people process these chemicals more efficiently than other people and thus have better results when they ingest them. Oh, nature, you are truly cruel!
15 comments
April 5, 2012 at 10:30 am
kevin
Maybe if you drank coffee, you VF link would work.
April 5, 2012 at 10:31 am
kevin
Your, dammit. Apparently, I need to go get another cup.
April 5, 2012 at 10:38 am
ari
For working links, I’d probably need to do a couple of lines.
April 5, 2012 at 10:40 am
ari
It should be fixed now, Mr. Pure as the Driven Snow.
April 5, 2012 at 10:54 am
kevin
Actually, this is a chemical alternative to snow, produced by the good people at DuPont.
According to lab tests, it’s 42% purer than snow, and 55% purer than driven snow.
April 5, 2012 at 11:22 am
Erik Lund
Oh, sure, pop a pill, write a chapter, have a public breakdown at Crooked Timber….It’s better living through chemistry!
April 5, 2012 at 12:03 pm
ari
Your second link is broken, Erik.
April 5, 2012 at 12:12 pm
kevin
First one, too.
You folks aren’t really doing a good job of making the case against drugs. Better call in the Hoff to seal the deal.
April 5, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Erik Lund
Darn! And I use cheats these days to get the HTML right. Having missed the joke, all I’ll say is thatDavid Graeber has been looking a lot like some speedheads I know more personally these days.
(See, just hit the “HTML” button at Blogspot, and all you have to do is use your mouse correctly.
So. Anyone know a cheat for that?)
April 5, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Vance Maverick
That post of Graeber’s was amazing. Made me wish Holbo would do a “Shorter”.
The Wikipedia page Erik links includes references on “caffeine-induced psychosis” — I should probably get a checkup.
April 5, 2012 at 2:22 pm
mrearl
Graeber’s thing was indeed amazing, so amazing I initially thought it was parody, but then it wouldn’t quit. Henry Farrel did a needlessly dignified response that was completely unnecessary, as the Graeber thing self-destructs.
So, Shorter Graeber: “if they say it’s not personal, it’s personal.”
April 5, 2012 at 3:11 pm
rur
Stanislaw Lem said it all: The Futurological Congress
April 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm
TF Smith
Stay away from the caterpillars, though…Reince Priebus is watching.
April 6, 2012 at 12:04 am
erubin
What? No love for Paul Erdos?
I can’t speak from too much experience, but I think that you’re all too eager to equate academic success with happiness. Then again, someone who’s devoted their life to academic pursuits would. Still, as someone who, as an undergraduate, briefly held a prescription for Adderall, I can safely say I don’t ever wish to return to the drug, regardless of its benefits.
April 8, 2012 at 10:13 am
big bad wolf
i’d like a prescription for bike riding in place of working.