I happened to be in Disneyland on Lincoln’s actual birthday, February 12, and decided, in a particularly sadistic moment, to take my kids to see the new, revised “Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln,” which just opened in December. I had fond memories of the last iteration of the show, from the early 2000s, which featured a surprisingly good film and a robotic-yet-stirring rendition of the Gettsyburg Address (Ari informs me that the real Lincoln was actually a robot – “true fact”, he says – and suggests that the imagineers were just being authentic). Surprisingly, my children did not believe that listening to an animatronic president speak on death and destruction was the best use of scarce Disneyland time, but I cheerfully dragged them out of the southern California sunshine and waited to be transported back in time to the Civil War….
Only to discover that the show is really about more recent wars, notably the Cold one. The new version is actually a recreation of the original, 1964 “Great Moments” that debuted at the New York World’s Fair, and features not the Gettysburg Address, or the second inaugural, or any number of memorable Lincoln moments. Instead, it features a pastiche of Lincoln quotes over a twenty-five year span, hacked from their context and smashed together, to create a rather disquieting figure who seems more Joe McCarthy than Honest Abe:
What constitutes the bulwark of our liberty and independence? It is not our frowning embattlements, our bristling sea coasts. These are not our reliance against tyranny. Our reliance is in the love of liberty, which God has planted in our bosoms. Our defense is in the preservation of the spirit which prizes liberty as the heritage of all men, in all lands everywhere. Destroy this spirit, and you have planted the seeds of despotism around your own doors.
At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it? Shall we expect some trans-Atlantic military giant to step the ocean and crush us at a blow? Never! All the armies of Europe, Asia, and Africa combined could not, by force, take a drink from the Ohio or make a track on the Blue Ridge in a trial of a thousand years.
At what point, then, is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, that if it ever reach us, it must spring from amongst us; it cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we ourselves must be the authors and finishers. As a nation of free men, we must live through all times, or die by suicide.
According to Wikipedia, the whole speech – this is just a part – combines sentences from 1838, 1852, 1858, 1860, and 1864. What would cause someone to choose quotes about enemies within, instead of using an actual speech by a man who, I’m told, wrote some pretty good ones? In today’s climate, the speech comes across like some sort of Tea Party screed.
*Sorry, Ari.
44 comments
February 22, 2010 at 12:14 pm
kevin
Of course Abe is second best.
Everyone knows the greatest was William Henry Harrison, who still holds the land speed record for the American presidency, clocking in at thirty days, seven hours, four minutes and 32 seconds.
February 22, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Ben Alpers
In the mid-’60s when this exhibit premiered, state-of-the-art wingnuttery was denouncing Lincoln, who appeared (along with Jackson and FDR) as the three great villains in Frank “Fusionism” Meyer‘s declension narrative about the destruction of the original Constitutional settlement by the encroaching power of the mob and the State.
February 22, 2010 at 12:47 pm
jacob
It’s pinkos like you that freed the slaves.
February 22, 2010 at 12:59 pm
heydave
Holy hugnuts! Just please tell me that they didn’t have the animatronic Lincoln wink and say “you betcha!”
February 22, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Ahistoricality
In the mid-’60s when this exhibit premiered, state-of-the-art wingnuttery was denouncing Lincoln,
And ol’ Walt was no liberal, either.
February 22, 2010 at 1:06 pm
kevin
You’re thinking of the Rapping Lincoln at Duff Gardens, Dave.
February 22, 2010 at 1:28 pm
grackle
My only visit to Disneyland was in the mid 60’s and at the time the robotic Lincoln IIRC did give the Gettysburg address, but it was preceded by an advertisement for Lincoln Savings, which was later to be made famous by Charles Keating. All in all quite a surreal experience.
February 22, 2010 at 1:35 pm
slimlove
robot lincoln would explain this…
http://wondermark.com/594/
February 22, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Erik
So who is #1 if not Lincoln?
February 22, 2010 at 4:44 pm
Kieran
One and only one President had a pocket full of horses, fucked the shit out of bears, threw a knife into heaven, and could kill with a stare.
February 22, 2010 at 4:58 pm
snarkout
As a good liberal, I am opposed to presidents who are made of radiation.
February 22, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Sir Charles
And had like thirty godammed dicks.
February 22, 2010 at 5:02 pm
ari
Little known fact: Lincoln actually had 32 goddamn dicks.
February 22, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Kathy
Who is #1? I have to go with Eric on this:
https://edgeofthewest.wordpress.com/2008/02/13/first-in-the-league-tables/
February 22, 2010 at 5:35 pm
kid bitzer
huh. i don’t hear wingnutty. i hear an apposite rebuke to the right-wing bed-wetters who think we should throw away our civil liberties to protect ourselves from invading islamic hordes.
i hear lincoln saying: terrorism is not a threat to our nation’s existence. hysterical right-wing responses to terrorism are the threat to our nations existence.
that is the enemy within our borders.
but then, i’m probly mis-hearing it, since i never been to disney land.
February 22, 2010 at 6:44 pm
kevin
I missed the Lettermanizing of the presidency during that last go-round, so let me stir the pot up again:
1. FDR
2. Lincoln
3. Washington
4. TR
5. LBJ
6. Jefferson
7. Truman
8. Jackson
9. Eisenhower
10. Wilson
I could reshuffle those bottom five all day long, and likely mix in another two or three more. But I feel good about that top five.
Discuss.
February 22, 2010 at 7:07 pm
TF Smith
No love for James K. Polk?
Cripes, without JKP the American West ends at the Nueces…
February 22, 2010 at 7:22 pm
kevin
It comes down to the criteria we use. If you’re judging a president by how well he accomplished his own goals, then sure, Polk ranks high.
But from the perspective of our era, I’m not sure a full-throated embrace of Manifest Destiny and the Mexican-American War are all that. Bad on their own lights, but also bad for ramping up sectional struggles and setting the stage for the Civil War.
February 22, 2010 at 7:53 pm
bitchphd
This post has convinced me that I’ll never force PK to visit the animatronic presidents. Instead, I’ll force him to accept Sarah Vowell essays as bedtime reading.
February 22, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Urk
I was all about to go off about Woodrow “history written with lightning” Wilson wasn’t gonna be on my list, until a quick look at the google suggested he didn’t actually say that. Still don’t think he makes the list tho.
February 23, 2010 at 1:11 am
dave
The trouble with a discourse of ‘enemies within’ is that everyone’s got their own definitions.
February 23, 2010 at 5:56 am
kevin
Yeah, the racism was what gave me real reservations about Wilson, not just promoting BoaN but also the broader pattern of imposing segregation on Washington D.C.
The other real strike were that his attorneys general were absolute crap. He moved James McReynolds from AG up to the Supreme Court, where he seemed intent on winning the title of Biggest Asshole (Harold Laski once said that “Justice McReynolds and the theory of a beneficent deity are incompatible”), and then installed A. Mitchell Palmer who ran wild with the Red Scare (though much of that happened while WW was incapacitated.)
The foreign policy idealism worked in his favor, of course, and whatever damage he did with McReynolds was more than made up for by putting Brandeis on the bench.
But the more I think about it, the more he deserves to get booted out of the top ten.
So … Madison?
February 23, 2010 at 6:02 am
kid bitzer
well, sure, dave.
but the trouble with the discourse of “discourses” is that some people have true beliefs and some people have false beliefs.
if i’m discussing genuine enemies within, as lincoln was, then other people’s false beliefs do not invalidate my right to speak the truth.
otherwise it’s like that xkcd cartoon where the french generals in 1939 can’t develop a response to hitler because the fear of godwin’s law prevents them from saying his name.
mccarthy had a lot of false beliefs about enemies within. i’m not going to let that stop me from saying true things about genuine enemies of liberty and advocates of tyranny like cheney.
February 23, 2010 at 6:50 am
Spike
Kevin’s list is in violation of the rider the Republicans tacked on to Patriot Act II, passed in 2005, which specifies that Ronald Regan was Our Greatest President.
Off to Gitmo with you!
February 23, 2010 at 7:24 am
Ben Alpers
I was sort of surprised that ari didn’t show up on this thread in response to the post’s title (and footnote).
I’m really surprised he hasn’t shown up in response to kevin’s list. Jackson in the top ten?
I’d also disagree about LBJ, who’s difficult to rate because the extraordinary achievements of his domestic policy need to be weighed against the absolute clusterf**k of Vietnam.
February 23, 2010 at 7:44 am
kevin
Kevin’s list is in violation of the rider the Republicans tacked on to Patriot Act II, passed in 2005, which specifies that Ronald Regan was Our Greatest President. Off to Gitmo with you!
Pfft, where do you think I’m writing from? P.S. Limbaugh is right. The amenities here are amazing!
I’m really surprised he hasn’t shown up in response to kevin’s list. Jackson in the top ten?
I know, I know. It’s almost like I included him just to get a rise out of someone.
February 23, 2010 at 8:00 am
kid bitzer
oh, and dave– sorry for my last which came out needlessly huffy and martyred. ratchet it down a lot in reading, and assume i was in basic agreement with you about the dangers. i just put it all badly.
February 23, 2010 at 8:14 am
Ahistoricality
If you’re judging a president by how well he accomplished his own goals, then sure, Polk ranks high.
So does Millard Filmore. I think we’re going down the wrong road there.
February 23, 2010 at 8:17 am
dave
Yeah, kb, you know who else thought he had justified true beliefs? Hitler, that’s who.
February 23, 2010 at 8:21 am
kid bitzer
yeah, and you know where else you find swastikas?
in the adaptors for old 45 records. lthree-legged swastikas, it’s true (triskelia?) but little plastic swastikas all the same. just saw one on youtube after the other day’s discussion–spinning round and round, endlessly running (for 2:45 anyway).
clearly a conspiracy. the spirit of ’45?
February 23, 2010 at 10:00 am
dave
That’s because of the secret factories on the Isle of Man, still run by the shadowy descendants of the Nazis locked up there in WW2…
February 23, 2010 at 10:14 am
booferama
Lincoln was a cylon.
February 23, 2010 at 10:20 am
kid bitzer
youtube also features descendants from the isle of lucy.
February 23, 2010 at 11:58 am
George
What disturbed me even more about the new/old animatronic Lincoln was:
(1) No Gettysburg address (!!!!)
(2) Talks about the Civil War without directly mentioning slavery or even black people–even the images are mostly of white “brothers” in gray and black.
(3) As you leave the theater, you enter a hall of “heroes,” where on one wall you see JFK and on the opposite wall, Miley Cyrus.
February 23, 2010 at 12:03 pm
ari
Yeah, who the hell thinks Kennedy was a hero?
February 23, 2010 at 4:14 pm
grackle
Kennedy belongs in the same ten as Jackson and TR
February 23, 2010 at 5:15 pm
kevin
What ten is that? Action Figure Presidents?
February 23, 2010 at 6:53 pm
kid bitzer
i thought it was the jackson five.
February 23, 2010 at 7:21 pm
kevin
Tito was an underrated president.
February 23, 2010 at 8:42 pm
Sir Charles
Okay, Jackson (Andrew that is) may not have been the most appealing president if you’re opposed to genocide, a lawless executive, and a financial primitive running the country.
But you’ve got to admit he was the baddest ass president ever. The Brits slapping him around and taking him as a P.O.W. when he was a kid, the massacre of the Brits during the Battle of New Orleans, the many duels — including one kill, the bigamy, the bullets carried around inside him for the rest of his life, and the thrashing of a would be assassin with a cane. The guy had style.
February 24, 2010 at 12:38 am
andrew
Lincoln was a cylon.
Lincoln was born in Ceylon. I bet he didn’t even have a birth certificate.
February 24, 2010 at 2:51 am
James T
But you’ve got to admit he was the baddest ass president ever.
He’s pretty mean with a bayonet in Samurai Shodown VI.
February 24, 2010 at 6:08 am
Ben Alpers
(1) No Gettysburg address (!!!!)
AFAIK, Ike was the only President who had a Gettysburg address.
February 24, 2010 at 6:26 am
dave
“isle of lucy” ha! Just got that. [Slow day.]