From the live-blogging of the Oscars at Big Hollywood, I present the themes of the evening:

Mike Long’s here…

by Mike Long

Ready to deliver careless ridicule and remarks I will later regret…

That’s a Lot of Middle-Aged Chick Skin

by Doug TenNapel

If you’re in your early 50s and you’ve breast-fed your 1.5 children you adopted from Chinafrica, please wear more clothes. I thought for a second this was the SAG awards.

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by Bill Willingham

No, Stage Right, I predict same sex marriage won’t be mentioned once. It’s called “freedom of marriage” now. Managing the language is the be all and end all of newspeak.

Think these social conservatives won’t spend the entirety of the evening saying embarrassing things about breasts and gay marriage?  Think otherwise:

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by Mike Long

If Kate Winslet wins for The Reader, will there be separate awards for each of her breasts? Cos that’s pretty much what that picture was about . . .

What I Want to Say

by Mike Long

My lesson learned about live blogging:  There’s the stuff you WANT to say . . . and the stuff you think you better not say . . .

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by Tim Slagle

BEST ACTRESS is basically a topless contest between Kate Winslet and Marisa Tomei[.]

Oh. My.

by Jude

Meryl Streep’s daughter is making me re-think my politics.

OSCARS

by Sal Weiss

IS THERE A BETTER NAME FOR THE GUY HOSTING THE GAYEST EVENT IN THE WORLD THAN JACKMAN?

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by Andrew Leigh

Kate Winslet ranges all the way from partial to full frontal nudity.

technical award

by Rodney Lee Conover

Marissa Tomei’s bra just won for Best Supporting

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by Dallas Jenkins

Anyone notice the double entendre from the script for “Milk?” “Harvey lifts the bullhorn to his lips.” Ahem.

Meh, the Milk speech. “One day you’ll have equal rights?” You DO have equal rights!!! There is nothing that straight people can do that you can’t do, and vice versa. Straight people aren’t allowed to marry members of the same sex either.

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by Tom Shillue

where did [Sarah Jessica Parker] get those???

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by Stage Right

I think “The Duchess” was a working title for “Milk.”

Sarah Jessica Parker . . .

by Ben Shapiro

The ugliest woman ever to become a Hollywood star.  Including Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie.

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by Tim Slagle

Only three nominees for best makeup?

What about the guy who made Meryl Streep look like a woman?

Technical award II

by Rodney Lee Conover

Sarah Jessica Parker just won Best in Show.

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by Robert J. Avrech

And [I want to see] Marisa Tomei—topless!

Uh oh

by James Hudnall

Methinks future Oscar romance montages will be filled with gay images from now on.

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by J.R. Head

Didn’t they have anything more form-fitting for Miss Beale?

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by Robert J. Avrech

Milk kiss. Gross!

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by Doug TenNapel

My children and I have now seen more men kissing tonight than married heterosexual couples. That’s kind of every night on TV, though.

I’m not a prude . . .

by Stage Right

But, it’s 6:45 and my 9 year old and 7 year old girls are watching this with me and they just saw two men kissing on the lips.

Why do I have to deal with this?

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by Doug TenNapel

Can we please have an Oscar show that is just three hours of men kissing?

Curious Case

by Rodney Lee Conover

Meryl Streep is definitely aging forward.

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by John Nolte

Doug, I know you wrote this a few hour hours ago when the show started . . .

Let’s face it, the BEST ACTRESS is basically a topless contest between Kate Winslet and Marisa Tomei.

. . . but I was just curious about the context. Are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?

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by Mike Long

what’s with the stupid you-go-girl speeches, actress to actress? this is like some sort of support group where every chick ends up in sync with each other’s period . . .

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by Stage Right

Oh Boy . . . here comes Prop 8 the musical all over again.

I decided not to include all the entries which consisted of variations of the title of this link—because the daughter of the Republican’s most recent candidate for President deserves better than the company her father panders to.  (Or not.)  But what really worries me about this all is that it might give lie to the idea that Kathryn Jean Lopez doesn’t deserve the title of “editor.”  Because if this is what they write off-the-cuff . . .