So I watched Obama’s subliminal message to Kill Whitey! last night. And it was great in a high-gloss, reach-out-to-the-undecided-heartland kind of way. But then, I made a really big mistake. I kept the tv on for a few minutes of Larry King and then a few more of Christopher Matthews. I know, I know, bad move. In retrospect, I’m pretty sure that Obama hypnotized me to enter self-destruct mode. If he can get The Man to take himself out, the Army of Black Liberation — made up largely of the Fruit of Islam and the S1Ws — he has waiting in the wings will save ammo on January 20th. Which means that budget surpluses are just around the corner!
Anyway, cable news. Wowza. First, John McCain was on Larry King’s show. And he was the same candidate we’ve been seeing throughout the campaign: angry, unsteady, and occasionally afflicted with aphasia. But then, after McCain doddered off the set, Larry and his other guests insisted that he had done really well. (Actually, Larry took partial credit for how well McCain had done. It was like a superannuated support group.) McCain’s comeback has begun, I learned. A week is a lifetime in American politics, Dan Rather told me. And so on. It occurred to me that without a focus group to provide instant reactions to McCain’s bile, the pundits default to their baseline setting: McCain’s just good, plain folks; his campaign has done him wrong; and there’s no way a war hero like him should lose. The punditocracy want a horse race — for the ratings, for the theater, for America — so badly that it’s painful to watch their dreams die in real time. Well, not really.
Chris Matthews was even worse. His first guest was Tom DeLay. Who kept insisting that Barack Obama really *is* an America-hating radical. No, seriously, that negro African-American dood is a socialist — at best. And Obama and his friends — the S1Ws, the Fruit of Islam, and probably some dashiki-wearing Kenyan warlords (mirrored sunglasses, too) — want to dance with your dates. Also: Bill Ayers. And teh gayz. Homosexuals who Rev. Wright is just waiting to gay marry in your kid’s kindergarten class, whereupon those faggots will probably sodomize your little boy. Because that’s just how they are. Better yet, Matthews, who we’re supposed to believe is in the tank for Obama, legitimated DeLay by noting what a political realist he is. Seriously, on cable news channels Tom DeLay is a reasonable conservative and Barack Obama is a spearchucking Marxist.
So, after I glued the pieces of my head back together, I changed the channel. All of which is a long way of saying, a sort of public service announcement, that if you’re watching cable news, you’re living in an alternate universe. I can’t tell you if the facts in that universe are closer or further from the truth than those that I find at FiveThirtyEight or Pollster. But things sure are scarier on television. I won’t be going back there again. Until Tuesday, that is, when I won’t be able to turn away.
19 comments
October 30, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Ahistoricality
My spouse and I have come to the conclusion that the vast political gulf between us and my in-laws is fundamentally unbridgable because they are loyal (nay, relentless) Fox News watchers who live in a world where our facts and values mean nothing.
It’s not much better on the other channels, you’re right. I find NPR and a select group of second-and-third-tier political blogs much more enlightening — supplemented by a lifetime of speculative fiction — in the sense that I rarely encounter realities which I wasn’t expecting.
October 30, 2008 at 1:23 pm
kathy a.
tom delay is still alive? and not in prison?
i don’t watch TV. you have set forth some excellent reasons.
October 30, 2008 at 2:00 pm
ari
Given the amount of pancake makeup the man was wearing, it’s not clear that he’s still alive. As for prison, did I mention that he was on Chris Matthews’s show? It is hard to imagine a more penal [if your joke lived here, it would be home right now] setting.
October 30, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Jason B
I feel much healthier since I stopped watching televised news a few years ago. I can find what I need to know (and a number of sides to every issue) on teh intarwebs, and I don’t have to sit through the moronic yelling, talking-point-spewing, LCD nonsense the talking heads puke at us nightly.
And . . .
No, seriously, that negro African-American dood is a socialist — at best. And Obama and his friends — the S1Ws, the Fruit of Islam, and probably some dashiki-wearing Kenyan warlords (mirrored sunglasses, too) — want to dance with your dates. Also: Bill Ayers. And teh gayz. Homosexuals who Rev. Wright is just waiting to gay marry in your kid’s kindergarten class, whereupon those faggots will probably sodomize your little boy. Because that’s just how they are.
I’m here to tell you–I’m sure any beer in the sinuses hurts, but Duvel is a bitch. And it feels like a waste to have a nice Belgian run down my face. Okay, that doesn’t read the way it sounded in my head.
October 30, 2008 at 6:32 pm
andrew
The quality of cable news commentating is horrible, but I find the lack of a single straight-up news, half-but-preferably-one hour, anchored broadcast during the late afternoon or evening hours truly incredible. I suppose the ratings would kill this type of program just as ratings presumably lead to the transformation of Headline News into a talk channel. In some ways this makes the major network news broadcasts more valuable than they were a few years ago (though I still don’t watch them).
October 30, 2008 at 8:07 pm
bitchphd
Is this the place to voice my new election anxiety, that the news about early voting–particularly the huge turnout of early voting by African-Americans–is going to end up motivating a huge white racist backlash on the 4th?
October 30, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Walt
That’s the kind of election anxiety that you need to take to your grave.
October 30, 2008 at 8:42 pm
urbino
And with that kind of election anxiety, you’ll get there sooner. Maybe just let it go? Be the Buddha?
October 30, 2008 at 9:21 pm
andrew
Complaints about general cable news aside, Rachel Maddow’s show is pretty good.
October 30, 2008 at 10:29 pm
ari
I just watched part of her show for the first time. It was pretty good.
October 30, 2008 at 10:33 pm
eric
When is she going to invite me on?
October 30, 2008 at 10:45 pm
ari
If she does, her show will go from being pretty good to *really* good.
October 30, 2008 at 11:13 pm
andrew
Cast yourself as a presidential historian and see what happens. She had one on recently.
For the record, the only full broadcast of hers I’ve watched was today’s, with the big Obama interview, but I’ve been trying to catch some of her show regularly for the past couple of weeks after only occasionally watching every now and then. I’m glad to find that she’s not just liberal, but that she has a different approach to her program. Less yelling and more real analysis.
October 30, 2008 at 11:17 pm
ari
Agreed. She seems to be exceptionally smart, and even more than that, interested in talking to smart people. She’s also willing to sit with one story for longer than 47 seconds. And she’s funny, which helps. I still can’t stand Olbermann, though, so I’m not likely to watch MSNBC for fear that I’ll stumble upon his show.
October 30, 2008 at 11:42 pm
andrew
I want to say that Olbermann doesn’t bother me that much because I’m used to his sportscasting from way back, but I actually never watch Countdown.
October 30, 2008 at 11:48 pm
ari
I liked him on ESPN. He seemed to love sports, even when he got irritated (“The ball is juiced!”). But I’m not sure he loves politics so much as showboating. Whatever, he’s still better than the rest. I just don’t enjoy watching him.
October 31, 2008 at 4:44 am
Jason B
I love watching Olbermann, because–despite my usual aversion to obnoxiousness–I find his brand of obnoxious appealing. But even then I only watch YouTube clips of him.
October 31, 2008 at 6:33 am
Elizabeth
Maddow is a Rhodes scholar whose Oxford Poli Sci PhD was in AIDs and prison reform. I like how she starts out with a thesis statement and then proves it in the first 10 minutes of her show. Also, she’s always pretty jolly, even in her righteous fury. It goes down very smooth. Olbermann’s usually half-smiling too, which I find more comforting than obnoxious.
October 31, 2008 at 7:03 pm
urbino
And she’s adorable. Smart, educated, and adorable is a tough combo to beat.
BTW, as I’ve just said elseblog, this is the best thing I’ve read, seen, or heard on this election as a moment in American history.