Today is the final day students can register for classes. I get email.*
I did not attend the second class and was supposed to be dropped automatically due to the second day rule, but I have to officially drop the course with your signature. When are you on campus today?
This student is gently reminded that I told the class on the first day that the second day rule is not automatic, informed that I will not be on campus today and directed to the composition office. I get more email:
I was wondering if there was any room in your 39B class from 9:30-10:50 a.m. I’ve been trying to get into a class and it seems like they’re completely full!
This student is politely informed that I only allow two unexcused absences per quarter, and that because my class has already met four times, it would be impossible for her to earn a passing grade. I get even more email:
i need to add ur class wheres ur office so u can sign my add card
This student is also informed that I only allow two unexcused absences per quarter, and that because my class has already met four times, it would be impossible for him to earn a passing grade. He responds:
i can get excuses
I want to inform him that I’m not sure how he can be absent in a course in which he isn’t enrolled, but fear the inevitable literalism of his reply. ("i wuznt there but have doctors note") So I tell him that I only allow four total absences because that amounts to twenty percent of the entire course, and a student who misses twenty percent of a course cannot earn a passing grade. He responds:
i make up the work r u in ur office now
I turn off the computer and re-read the material I’m teaching next week. He responds:
wheres ur office to sign my card
I compose study questions for my students. The computer is still off. He responds:
need to no where ur office is to sign card soon
I eat lunch. He responds:
fine i dont hear from u soon u reget it
I consider responding to ask what I’ll get again, but needn’t have bothered.
He sent me a link. (Someone flagged the comment and it’s been removed. What it said, and I quote, was: “even if u say u do the work he says he fails u for abscences”. Yes, I punctuated like a Brit on purpose there.
*No actual students were harmed in the composition of this post. (But some of their stylistic tics may’ve been reproduced and mocked.)