No, SEK, dear. Your first chapter was eaten by HAL. Mine, on the other hand:

(Dramatis personae: DANA, a doctoral candidate. HP9000, a laptop, and possibly the twelfth Cylon model. )

(DANA peers intently at the screen of HP9000. She gets up and paces around. Her pacing has been described by a roommate as consisting mostly of walking circles between the living room and kitchen, muttering to herself while ticking off imaginary points on her fingers. Her face is animated, as if she is having an argument with someone who isn’t there.* She returns to the keyboard.)

DANA

Come on, come on. (She opens folders and files.) Where is it?

HP9000

What are you searching for?

DANA

The most recent version of the second chapter. My advisor wants to see it. He needs to see it, right now! (Clicks around.) I’ve found it. I think this is the right version.

HP9000 (coolly)

There are twelve chapter versions. You have number six.

DANA

But I should have the twelfth one! That should be the most recent one I compiled. They’re all organized by date. Why isn’t it here? (Frantically goes through e-mails, trying to figure out which the most recent version of the chapter.) This is all your fault! The JFP comes out today!!

HP9000

Don’t blame me, Dana. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

(USB port connected to HP9000’s wireless mouse blinks out.)

HP9000

You relied on me, Dana. You relied on me to keep everything in order and ensure all the code worked and then you saved the output file under a new name before you e-mailed it to your advisor because you had titled the main folder “ihatethisdamnchapter” and I can’t help you now.

You’re on your own.


* I will pretend that this description is obviously a parody. When writing, I, of course, can be found sitting demurely. Neatly dressed, perhaps sipping wine.