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Dear Football/Healthcare Jesus:
Lately, you seem to have forsaken me, and I’m just not sure I can take much more of this. So if it’s not too much to ask, I’m hoping that you won’t visit a Favre-Manning Super Bowl upon a nation that’s already reeling. But if it’s got to be one or the other, I suppose Vikings fans have suffered enough through the years. And even you, despite your infinite compassion, must see that Peyton Manning, whining Republican that he is, is an abomination. Also, while we’re chatting, how about reminding the president that uplifting the poor and healing the sick is Godly work.
Thanks for your consideration,
Ari
p.s. If you hook me up this once, I promise to stop laying tefillin on airplanes.
The Edge of the American West 
22 comments
January 22, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Sir Charles
What does tefillin think? Perhap s/he enjoys being a member of the mile high club.
January 22, 2010 at 3:15 pm
heydave
Oh noes, now you’re going to tell me Peyton is a whiny repub? I didn’t know that. But I daresay that giving the spotlight to the drama queen in purple wouldn’t be much better.
How about one goddam thing going right in/near New Orleans?
January 22, 2010 at 4:05 pm
jvhillegas
I agree with heydave: I think it’s time for the Saints to have their day!
On a related note, it’s too bad we can’t watch the Cowboys lose by 31+ points and see Romo turn the ball over repeatedly every weekend of the playoffs, but at least we got to see it once this year, and I do thank the “drama queen in purple” for that beautiful memory!!!
January 22, 2010 at 4:15 pm
'stina
The Drama Queen has a new fight song: http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2010/01/prince_writes_a_little_ditty_f.html?ft=1&f=93568166
January 22, 2010 at 4:25 pm
cpo
As long as we’re praying to avoid a farve-manning event: go jets!
January 22, 2010 at 6:21 pm
bitchphd
Apparently Prince has written a fight song for the Vikings. Which, I’m sorry, basically means that we have to all root for them.
January 22, 2010 at 6:22 pm
bitchphd
Oops, I see ‘Stina already posted that. My bad.
January 22, 2010 at 6:38 pm
Sybil Vane
Between The Purple One and Brett I can’t help but root for the Vikes, although it does pain me to root against NOLA. But I am pulling like mad for Sanchez. J-E-T-S.
January 22, 2010 at 7:06 pm
jvhillegas
I feel conflicted as well, Sybil. With my team never in (the ‘Skins) and my most loathed team out (Noboys) of the playoffs, I could be happy w/ many possible iterations. However, given all the crap NO has had to deal with recently, and the sorry, sorry, state of their football team for so long, I find myself leaning that way.
January 23, 2010 at 10:54 am
Jess Nevins
Whiny Republican; spent years blaming everyone else for playoff losses; and, much more importantly, alleged abuser of at least one woman : http://www.usatoday.com/sports/football/nfl/colts/2003-11-04-manning-defamation-suit_x.htm
Sanchez was also accused of rape while at USC.
New Orleans is the clear choice of teams to root for here, I think.
January 23, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Sybil Vane
I mean, other than the general Good Old Boy sort of aura and all the waffling, no one’s really got any complaints with Brett of a serious ethical nature, right?
January 23, 2010 at 3:29 pm
jvhillegas
(BTW, if Brett’s a Republican, then it would most definitely not be called waffling.)
January 23, 2010 at 3:55 pm
ceci ne l'est pas
It’s a goddam’ appalling sport, and I’m surprised at your surprise that its stars are all rightists. Get into rugby won’t you, search out its ethos, and you’ll find it’s practically socialism-made-sport. And they don’t even wear those namby-pamby shoulder pads.
January 23, 2010 at 3:58 pm
ceci ne l'est pas
Great Waugh reference tho’! (‘less I’m missing something.)
January 23, 2010 at 8:28 pm
big bad wolf
it’s got to be the saints. because they are from new orleans and because they are the saints, lovable, hopeless, lovable because they were hopeless. even the mannings favor the saints—archie (whose views i prefer not even to imagine) running frantically and brillantly and futilely for the saints is the manning who counts in this set up. thus, both peyton and brett can lose.
January 24, 2010 at 4:55 am
Jason B.
I’m torn. I’m a lifelong Vikings fan (Dad had me in an Alan Page jersey in 1975), but I’ve spent almost twenty years hating Favre. And I do feel kind of big-brotherly for all things New Orleans since Katrina.
Ah, who am I kidding? Four Super Bowls, four failures? Nothing in thirty years? Two-Martini Tommy? Les Steckel? Denny Green? Letting Tony Dungy go? Korey Stringer? The Love Boat? The 1998 NFC Championship Game? Red McCombs?
We’ve suffered enough. The Purple need a ring.
January 24, 2010 at 5:09 am
rea
Is this the real reason behind Prince’s lifelong affection for purple? If he’d grown up in Philadelphia, would he have been the Green One?
January 24, 2010 at 6:17 am
Mr. Sidetable
I’m with Jason B. (and thanks for bringing up Les Steckel, by the way). I’ve loved the Vikings my entire life, and have hated Favre (aka Scruffy the Rumhead) as long as he’s been playing. I cheer for the catch, not the throw.
So it’s complicated. And I understand that it’s widely accepted that the compassionate thing to do is to root for New Orleans. But to an outsider, they’re just the Seahawks of the South–inoffensive, but rarely good enough to break your heart. And Archie Manning seems less a plucky scrambler with gimpy knees than one of the all-time horrible sports fathers, Mama Rose in shoulder pads.
Purple.
January 24, 2010 at 7:39 pm
ari
Who dat?
January 24, 2010 at 7:50 pm
Jason B.
When Sisyphus sees a Vikings fan walk past his hill, he pauses in pushing his boulder for a moment, shakes his head and says, “There but for the grace of Zeus go I.”
January 25, 2010 at 9:40 am
Anderson
Dear Ari,
Who dat?
— GOD
January 25, 2010 at 1:43 pm
jvhillegas
When Sisyphus sees a Vikings fan walk past his hill, he pauses in pushing his boulder for a moment, shakes his head and says, “There but for the grace of Zeus go I.”
Ouch.