It really is. The Confederate flag has been kicked around for long enough. Thank goodness we’ve finally found a presidential candidate brave enough to stand up for white Southerners. Because, y’know, “all the average guy with a Confederate Flag on his pickup truck is saying is: he’s proud to be a Southerner.” And also: Macaca! I’m guessing he’s saying that, too. Of if not saying it, perhaps thinking it.

Okay, that last part was all me. But the first part comes courtesy of Americans for the Preservation of American Culture (APAC).** Which is under siege. American culture, that is.*** Forget the global hegemony enjoyed by Hollywood, McDonalds, and the English language (not as certain, I know). If Mike Huckabee, eating fried squirrel and wearing St. Andrew’s Cross drawers, isn’t elected president of these United States, the terrorists will have won. And also that dark fella Obama.

So the crazed racists gentlemen behind APAC have manned the battlements. They’re running some mighty informative commercials in South Carolina, the Cradle of Secession, making sure that their kinfolk and friends know that John McCain hates the Confederate Flag. And America. Which is fine by me. Because anyone who wants to derail the Straight Talk Express is, in some twisted way, probably a friend of the Republic — even if they also embrace treason. Weird.

Taking a quick trip to neo-Confederate 527ville, we learn that the APACers are homespun folks. They worry that “political correctness is ruining our land.” And you know what? McCain is one PC dude. He reviles his heritage, allowing that his ancestors who fought with the Confederacy “were on the wrong side of history.”

So, what does APAC propose that we do to beat back this threat from McCain and the Dixie-hating**** minions of political correctness? Glad you asked:

Restoring your grandchildren’s birthright to its rightful place of Honor is a tall mountain to climb, but well within the capabilities of men and women descended from these patriots who stood so tall and firm. This is our watch, this is our challenge; it is our turn to stand tall and firm.

Now, is the time to stand firm and dig our line in the sand, with a backhoe!

And maybe it’s also time to learn how to use a comma. With a backhoe!

Huck’s position, issued in between mouthfuls of squirrel, is: not a federal issue.

You don’t want people from outside the state coming in and telling you what to do with your flag. If somebody came to Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we’d tell ‘em what to do with the pole.

Homespun! And also: outside agitators. I’m so hearing Hukabee’s dog whistle.

But what about APAC’s claim that what’s often mislabeled the Stars and Bars***** or the Confederate Battle Flag****** is just a symbol for proud Southerners. Nothing on that from Huck. McCain, though, straight-talking straight-talker that he is, isn’t pandering. And good for him. (My fingers! They burn!) Because, as evidenced by its cameos at cross burnings, Klan rallies, and, until the year 2000, atop the South Carolina statehouse*******, the Confederate flag is very much a fetish for white supremacists. To say otherwise is both absurd and disingenuous.

How this primary season became a referendum on Civil War memory is anyone’s guess. But the GOP’s need to maintain a solid South has a lot to do with it. If this keeps up, it’s possible that instead of turning to the ghost of Ronald Reagan at their brokered convention in St. Paul, the Republicans will have to try to convince the reanimated corpse of George Wallace to switch parties and bear their standard.

[Editor's Note: Special thanks to Matt W, who goaded me into putting up this post. If you don't like what I've written, I suggest you take a look at his post on the subject and then fill his in-box with hate mail. Thanks also to Greg Sargent, whose post at talkingpointsmemo brought this story to my attention. With a backhoe!]

* Let me be clear about one thing: I don’t pick these fights; they pick me.

** Like AIPAC. But with fewer Jews.

*** Seriously, it needs protecting. Be vigilant. There are Canadians in our midst.

**** Also, in fairness, straight-talking.

***** Looked too much like the Stars and Stripes (aka: the American flag). So was discarded. Because any resemblance to the American flag will not be tolerated by true patriots. Duh.

****** Was square, not rectangular, and flew throughout the Civil War. Most famously over Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia. Which also fought to protect American culture. Wait, no, that’s wrong. Which fought to destroy the Union and preserve slavery. That’s the same thing, right? Kind of?

******* Honestly, I can’t quite figure this out. It may still fly over the South Carolina state capitol. But I think it’s just in front of the statehouse, next to a monument honoring the Confederate dead. Wherever the flag may still be, the Old Ball Coach thinks it should be gone entirely. And when Steve Spurrier is the voice of reason in your state, you’ve got big problems.